Worship and Sin

Dear reader, 

This past Sunday I was set to help lead the congregation in worship.

The drive to worship practice that morning was terrible, I knew full well I shouldn’t be on stage. 

You must hear about what led up to this point.

I have these moments in my life where I really enjoy sinning. I long for it, and this Sunday morning was no exception. All morning I didn’t give a rip about God, I went about my morning in all the ways I wanted to. 

My selfishness and pride were through the roof. If God was near me I was ignoring Him. 

I looked at the time and realized I had wasted the whole morning, I quickly changed out of my sleepwear and headed out the door. 

The drive was silent. I knew I needed to talk with God, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I forced myself to sit in the silence and take it all in. 

When I got to the church building I was silent. (You might notice the theme here.) I couldn’t look anyone in the eyes, I didn’t use my voice at all. 

The practice began and I banged on the Cajon, it didn’t sound right, my heart wasn’t present, the tempo was poor, and my attitude was horrible. 

I wasn’t worshiping God. I was just making loud noises. 

After the practice finished I rushed off the stage. I knew I needed to meet with God, and I knew where to do it. 

The bathroom stall. 

I’m naturally introverted, I don’t enjoy being in church buildings, to begin with. But when it comes to speaking with God, I want to be alone, I need to be quiet. 

I was there for a while, as long as I could be. God’s presence was so reassuring even though I didn’t feel welcome at first. He saw through me, he heard my heartbeat, he cried with me, and brought my face up to meet his. 

His mercy and grace are so much greater than any sin I can ever choose. They blow evil out of the water. Their power is extreme and unwavering. 

They meet me each day, they walk with me side by side, and they lift me up when I throw myself to the ground. 

I experienced a full-out 180 that morning.

God flipped me around, and I was so much better off for it. 

Sincerely, 

Your Fellow Fallen Man

-Mitchell