How to Humbly Pray

Dear reader, 

This letter will be a bit confusing. 

There are many ideas and desires that swirl around in my head and some days they seem to burst out onto the page or in my prayers.  This all occurred in a time of prayer.

Maybe you can relate. 

Follow along if you want, or go skip ahead to another post that talks about something you can relate to a bit better if you need to. 

“God, I come before you to seek your presence. Humbly I come knowing full well that I suck. I know I am a sinner saved by grace, but you also call me your son, and through Christ, I am made righteous.”

Deep breath.

“But…what are you doing? I don’t want to say I’m mad or upset with you. You are my lord and king. You have ultimate authority over my life. You guide and lead me by your intricate Holy Spirit that dwells within me. I do my best to seek your presence out in the morning and abide in that presence as the day goes by. I do my best to lay down my life as a living sacrifice for the sake of others and the sake of your kingdom.”

“I don’t mean to be whiny, or ungrateful for what you have blessed me with in this life. But as of late everything seems to be a bit fuzzy or out of focus I should say. Maybe that’s due to life’s trials becoming increasingly difficult or maybe I just seem to take my eyes off you more times than not.”

“But…am I missing anything? As I study your word and seek your voice in prayer have I straight up missed the mark? As I run this race and do my best to cast off all things that hinder my walk with you, am I doing enough? Am I actively pursuing holiness enough to the point where others can see the light shining through the cracks in my image?”

“I know many of your commands. I know what to do and what not to do. I do my best by the power of your Holy Spirit to live a life that is wholly pleasing to you. I seem stuck. I don’t know why, but it seems as though something is weighing me down that only you know. I can’t seem to find what it is. I am in a constant state of repentance of my sins, I am quick to confess, and I do my best to kill my pride and my flesh as it wars against me throughout the days.”
“But…something feels so off. As if there is a part of our relationship that seems to be lacking. Not on your part, obviously. You’re perfect. You can lack nothing. You give me everything and then some. It must be me, something I can’t seem to fathom and it is annoying to me. What is it, lord?”

“Am I not content?”

“Even though I say I’m killing my pride is my pride still killing me?”

“As I actively train myself in purity and godliness am I falling short due to your holy standard?”

“Is it something simple or vastly complex that you don’t even want me to understand?”

“It could be anything, God. Whatever it is, I give it to you. I don’t understand it, but it's yours. I ask that you would help me to discern this with heavenly wisdom although it's out of my grasp. Please help me, Lord Jesus. I lay this at your feet and ask for the strength to walk in this day. I don’t want to linger on the things that I don’t understand. Please give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. I don’t need to have this figured out, I trust that you have this in your capable hands. I don’t want to lean on my own understanding of this funk or state of mind. Teach me your ways so that I may please you in all that I do.”

“Help me to no longer use the word ‘but’ in my prayers to you. I don’t want to doubt you, I don’t want to believe that what I have to say is more important than what you have to offer. You are the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of All things. What could I offer to you that you don’t already know?”

“Take these words, let them be a sweet offering of praise to you. I desperately need your presence within me today as I go. Make your way straight to me, and allow me to be a holy vessel used for your good work.” 

“I’ll talk with you soon Father, thank you for listening. If you want to respond, please open my eyes and ears to receive whatever you have to say to me.”