How to Fight Anxiety

Dear reader, 

I’ve been drowning for a while. 

If you know me well you know I can’t swim, so this makes perfect sense. But I’ve been drawing in my fears lately. I’ve been overwhelmed with the consequences of my own negligence. Yet God in His love and mercy has begun to push me through to the other side. 

I had to have my appendix removed. (You might have heard.) 

And that was not an experience I wanted to be a part of at all. 

Obviously, for health reasons, I’m glad it was taken care of, but as far as timing goes it soiled everything that I had planned for my next chapter in this story. 

My selfishness definitely plays a part in this story. Just notice that. 

I want to be a pastor. I have that innate desire, and I have to give that credit to God, due to my wanting to do anything but that for most of my life. So I have been actively searching for opportunities to teach and lead others in the art of discipleship. 

I began digging into Missional communities and House Churches and wanted to learn how to begin one myself or join others who were already doing it. Enter Soma, a church begun by Jeff Vanderstelt. He focused greatly on sharing the gospel in the everyday stuff of life, and he would urge the people around him to do the same. 

They started out in Washington and now have multiplied to 41 Churches. 

I reached out to them and asked if I could learn under their leadership with a residency program that they offered. Multiple leaders got back to me and were extremely encouraging and urged me to fly out to Los Fresnos, Texas to train with them for future ministry. 

I was so excited. I hopped online filled out the application and saved my spot to go to Texas April 21st-23rd. 

Then my tummy hurt really bad. 

The appendix fiasco happened and I had to undergo surgery I did not want for one simple reason. 

I had no health insurance at the time. 

The medical bills just kept coming and coming. And soon I had a decent chunk of money that needed to be paid. $22,000. 

Yuck. 

I had already saved my spot for this training, and I still wanted to go, yet this debt was hanging over me and severely affecting my personal life. It was hard to sleep, I kept overthinking how I was going to pay off these immense bills. 

I became paralyzed by them. 

I went up to my room one day after work and lay down on the floor. 

I needed to be with God. 

I needed peace and comfort. 

I needed truth. 

I played the song ‘By Your Side’ by Tenth Avenue North on my phone, and just sat there and as the lyrics were sung I just collapsed and cried. 

Why are you striving these days?

Why are you trying to earn grace?

Why are you crying?

Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?

Why are you still searching?

As if I'm not enough

To where will you go, child?

Tell me where will you run

To where will you run?

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

I didn’t believe all this was true. 

I was striving so hard to keep above water but I wasn’t trusting Him.

I was searching for everything to help me out of this debt except God.

I didn’t believe He was holding me.

That night changed my view of God. I viewed him as Jehovah Jireh, my provider, My Comforter, and my Heavenly Father. Who drew near to me and let me cry in His arms. 

I slept great that night. Better than any other night recently. 

I was sleeping in perfect peace. 

I write this to you for your encouragement. I know you’ve either experienced a trial like this, or it’s heading for you even now. Be ready to firmly plant yourself in the Father’s arms. If you’re anywhere else it will not benefit you. Submit to His plans He has laid before you, and learn to be okay when He destroys what we think we should be doing. 

He’s got this. We don’t. 

Be by His side, just as He is by your side. 

Sincerely Your Fellow Drowning Optimist, 

-Mitchell