How to Deal With Inevitable Change
Dear reader,
I’ve been struggling on a very deep level. I’ve narrowed it down to 2 key factors.
I’ve put in my resignation letter for the daycare.
I don’t want to leave this job.
A bit of context. (I discuss this in my letter entitled ‘Pain’) Back in the month of February of 2022, I had a spur-of-the-moment decision to remove my appendix that was causing me a great deal of pain. I went to the ER and had the surgery completed and they sent me on my way by 5 PM.
The surgery in itself wasn’t a huge issue, but what happened afterward was. Large, scary, and anxiety-inducing medical bills. I had not had insurance at the time, and the thought of paying such a high medical bill was absolutely terrifying.
I was doing my best to trust God, but for a whole week, I couldn’t sleep with how much this weight was on my shoulders. It felt like I was holding up a large block of cement I shouldn’t have been able to lift up in the first place.
I went through all that stress and looked for all the financial support options available. Filled out many different kinds of paperwork, and was hit with the news that swept me off my feet.
Instead of $22,000 in bills, everything got lowered to about $6,000. Still had some bills, but they weren’t as daunting as I thought they were. This was my first (and hopefully last time) in debt, and I wanted to make sure I responded to it well.
This leads me to last week with my resignation letter. I knew that if I did everything I could to save money while at this job I still couldn’t pay these bills this year. It just wasn’t going to happen, then I was smacked upside the head with the reality I’d been avoiding for a long time.
I need a new job.
If you know anything about me I have a love/hate relationship with change.
I understand the necessity for it, but I will still fight against it for as long as I can.
I’ve been holding onto this job ever since February. I knew it wasn’t helping me, but I didn’t want to just up and leave
I love these kids and the staff here. My job is to build relationships with kids in order to teach them what they need to know to have success in this life morally and practically.
This has been the best job I’ve ever had. Why would I ever be excited to leave that?
Last night I continued watching a series of films with my friends. As the series goes on it gradually gets darker themes and story elements that reflect the dark tone of our actual life.
The last words in the movie truly hit home for me last night. And I couldn’t shake them out of my mind.
“Everything’s going to change now isn’t it?”
The protagonist looks over and smiles. “Yes.”
He was accepting it.
He wasn’t denying it.
He was embracing it for what it was.
Change.
I want that mentality!
I want to be able to smile and say yes to the inevitable change heading straight for me like a freight train and still be okay.
Today that’s not me. Maybe it will be later, but right now no.
To be walking steadfastly in the understanding that life changes frequently is something I desire.
Many times in my life I have been convinced of different changes coming my way coming to find that I was completely wrong. It’s so easy to mix up my plans with God’s plans.
I’ve got one more week in this job, then I will transition into a factory job that I’m not looking forward to. I desperately need God to give me the strength to face. He’s leading me this way, who am I to make a last-minute call to take a hard left turn?
All this to say my story is about to make a turn I wasn’t expecting to take.
To leave a job I didn’t expect to ever have in the first place, to go to a job I have no desire to have.
It’s a good thing I’ve come to trust the author and his intentions.
If I didn’t, this life would be miserable to live through.
I pray that the changes that are coming your way are met with open arms.
We never want to become resistant to the changes that God desires us to walk through, if we are who’s to say that we aren’t willing to submit to His will at all?
Pray on this today.
And if you think to, please pray for me and the plot twist heading for me at lightning speed.
Sincerely your Fellow Stubborn Child of God,
-Mitchell
