How to Deal With Constant Failure

Dear reader, 

Have you ever screwed up?

Have you ever made a decision that you ultimately regretted time and time again and Satan loves to remind you of that glorious failure? 

Have you ever felt like you can’t do anything right due to your continuing circumstances?

I have. 

I mess up all the time. Sometimes it feels inevitable for me to mess up paperwork or forget to do a task all day that I should have done 3 weeks ago. 

This letter is only for those who make mistakes. If that’s not you go find something else to read. 

You know what really confuses me when I make mistakes that I thought had God’s hand in them. 

Do you know what I mean?

You become so energized and excited to take on a task that you believe God wants you to do, and it backfires so hard in your face. You can’t help but sit on your bum (Normally that’s where I contemplate life when I fall down.) and overthink the matter.

Why would God let me fail?

I have a couple of theories. 

I’m not a very wise man. I never graduated from a university. But I’d like to think I’ve got some wisdom under my belt due to the amount of poo poo I’ve walked through up until this point. I give you permission to take this wisdom or leave it. 

• God didn’t want it to happen. 

Last year I got super excited. I was set to go on a road trip with my siblings across many states and to do a lot of adventuring and camping. Right up my alley, I helped get everything prepped and got all my gear packed and ready to go, I was so anxious to get away from my hectic job for a week of enjoying my family’s company and being outside with God. 

Two days before I was supposed to leave with them I acquired a tiny cough. I didn’t think much of it except for the fact that I was determined to push through it all. That night a horrible fever came out of nowhere. It escalated to the point where I truly believe some dark spiritual warfare was at play. I got little to no sleep that night and woke up the next day feeling worse.

Hmph. 

I ended up going to urgent care due to my health plummeting even worse after that. Turns out I had gotten the infamous Covid 19 virus.   

Annoying right? My first vacation in my whole adult life and I spend it quarantined in my room bored out of my mind watching way too many movies and severely missing out on the greatest road trip I had ever helped plan. It still happened, my siblings, all went without me, but as I mentioned above ‘God didn’t want it to happen…for me.’

I ended up resting on a whole different level alone with God, not how I wanted to do things, but in the end, it worked out.

• God doesn't need me. 

Pride is a biiiiiiiiiigggggg issue for me. And if you hear me talk about any of my sin fingerprints the most it will be on pride. It just sneaks up on me, it’s flipping annoying. 

Anyway. Pride goes into this second one.

I am a part of a collaboration of churches in the Henry County area called YouthIFY. We set up larger scaled youth events for the sake of outreaching the youth in the community who aren’t plugged into youth groups. The new years eve event is the largest one. 

I’m in charge of the media aspect, so I get my batteries charged and made sure my SD cards are good to go, all day I’m eager for the event, and I can’t wait to go and serve. 

Out of nowhere, I get extremely nauseous. 

I begin to pray against it thinking it’s just spiritual warfare, and once I get to the event I’ll feel fine. Besides, they need me there, I gotta go. 

I drive over to the event and feel worse the closer I get. I walk inside and sit at a table and begin to pray. “God, I want to be here. Don’t you want me here?” 

I argue with God back and forth for about 4 minutes when the man in charge walks over to me. 

“Dude, you look sick. You should go home asap.”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to fight through and help. I wanted to offer my gifts. I wanted to be there.

I wanted…

I wanted…

I wanted… 

God didn’t want it to happen.

God didn’t need me. 

Hmph. I’m sensing a pattern here.

I went home and puked multiple times and slept for about 12 hours. The event went smoothly without me. I wasn’t needed. 

• God’s will and mine didn’t line up. 

As most of you know I am doing very well in the dating game. I am incredibly single. That’s been the case for most of my life. I have attempted to pursue about 6 wonderful women in my lifetime. And every one of them has ended the same way. 

“I’m not interested.”

“We need to stop.” 

“Something’s not right.”

“I found someone else.”

“Nope, sorry.” 

“I wish you the best.” 

If I were playing baseball I’d struck out twice now. 

I’m not bitter, and if it comes across that way that’s not the case at all. I’m very grateful for the memories I have with each individual and what I’ve learned from them, and about myself in my chapters with them. 

Singleness has a lot of perks. Which most people don’t say when they’re single. But I get to focus on my relationship with God more clearly, and I’m able to serve in so many different ways that I don’t think I could if I was married right now. 

I would love to be married. If it happened tomorrow I wouldn’t complain. But, it’s obvious to me that God and I haven’t always been on the same page when it comes to His timing and will, and my timing and will. 

When it comes to other people’s lives, hearts, and emotions I don’t want to just play around willy-nilly. I’m talking about God’s daughters. As I have matured over the years I have learned more and more about how to treat those around me with grace, respect, and even the big L word. But yet I have learned time and time again. If I don’t surrender to God’s will and I make my own way, it’s not going to work. 

Even when I think it’s God's will.

Even when I think I’m 99% percent sure.

Even when I think there are many green lights and signs all around me. 

God still allows me to fail. I don’t think He enjoys watching me fail, but there’s an underlying purpose behind all that He does. Who am I to question His perfect intentions?

All that comes back to one of the more popular scriptures in Christian circles. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

Romans 8:28 has a powerful meaning and it will never not be true. 

God is sovereign. He knows all things, the way that He ebbs and flows throughout all storylines of all people is absolutely mind-boggling. But it’s for Him to understand, not us. He knows what we need, He knows when we need it. 

He’s not going to give us something that will distract us from Him. 

He is a jealous God, He is quick to remove something or someone we’ve placed on the throne of hearts that should only rightfully be His spot. 

I write to you as I’m trying to teach this to myself. I want to believe this truth, and I know I must. But some days it’s easier to believe than others. 

Truth is always true. It never can dabble in falseness and come back to the truth. 

God’s word is always true. Yesterday, today, and forevermore. That cannot ever change. That’s not to say our understanding and interpretation of scripture might change as The Holy Spirit guides us in understanding The Father’s intentions even more as the days go on. 

When we mess up, flip out, or even fall on our faces with no other explanation. We must turn to God and make sure we’re actually walking in step with His Spirit, and abiding in His presence. 

We can learn a lot about ourselves when we fail, are we humble enough to accept the grace given to us, or are we too proud to admit our downfalls? 

Food for thought today. Go and mess up, do so to the glory of our Heavenly Father, He will work it out for your good. 

Trust Him. 

Sincerely Your Fellow Screw Up,

-Mitchell